The Purge and the Plot

I chuckle when I read old posts and I yap endlessly about love. Like...shut the hell up.

As I anticipated when I first created this website, I have had a change of heart. Previous blogs have been scrubbed, refined and (kind of) carefully curated. Most of them were just me being emo about my situationship from hell (the start of this year was ROUGH). I’m not sure if sporadic word vomiting is the best use for this platform...or maybe I’ll change my mind again and share such things once more.

I deleted the blog about Speckle's death, so I will keep it short: around the middle of October, I unexpectedly had to have my bunny euthanized. I haven’t cried about it in a while, but I don’t think I’ll never cry over it again. I miss her dearly.

In the past month, my grandmother visited and it was a nightmare. I was excited for my sister to visit afterwards, forgetting how annoying she was. There also seemed to be a new tension. I think it’s because she is becoming firm in her ways and I’m trying to be firm in mine.

I’ve been single since earlier this year, this being the longest stretch since before I started dating. Looking back, I had a lot of trouble staying single once I started dating. I felt like I had a big hole in me when alone. This time was no different, but now that I’ve grown accustomed to it, I actually feel surprisingly good. I’ve been getting back into old hobbies of mine and feel like I have been living truly for myself for the first time in a while. I think I tend to unconsciously shed my entire self when I’m in a relationship and I’m uneasy at the possibility of it happening again. I want to have a firmer grasp on myself before I venture into these things once again.

I have to talk about media. I must! I watched Wicked 2 (eh), Longlegs (bleh), Rosemarys baby (love), Chainsaw man: Reze arc (several times) (LOVE LOVE)

Musically, I’ve been exploring a lot. I’ve been listening to Wlfgrl lots—it’s such an amazing listen and I’ve been getting lots of writing ideas from it. Lots of Machine Girl in general. I recently started listening to Aphex Twins. Other than that, just things adjacent to my prior tastes.

I’ve been reading a lot of manga. I read Goodbye Eri which I feel I need to think about more before I decide how I liked it. I think it’s very unique. I’ve been reading Soul Eater because I love the themes, art, vibes, and characters, but good god is the fan service tough to get through. Why was Okubo so damn bricked up? I’m going to try hard to finish it anyways, but JEEZ. I caught up with Chainsaw Man and The Summer Hikaru Died—both are amazing and obsessions of mine right now. I resonate with them a lot emotionally and I love the exploration of death, humanity, and fear. With Chainsaw Man specifically, I like how they explore family, love, and abuse. TSHD makes my chest ache and reminds me of my childhood. Lots to unpack there (NOT!!!!!). I just started reading Jujutsu Kaisen—I’m pretty late to the party, I’m excited to see what the hype is about.

I have too many books to get through. I have a few which were lent to me by friends and some library books I checked out in March which I keep saying I’ll get around to. I may have previously mentioned that I finished the Catcher in the Rye (LOVE LOVE) and I read PJO: The Chalice of the Gods—it was a fun nostalgia trip and I’m excited for the next one!  I’ve have been reading The Sun and The Star—hate it! Wow, I absolutely hate it! I picked it up because Nico is my favorite PJO character and I will force myself to finish it for the same reason. Before the book, I didn’t like Will and Nico’s relationship. I think it was really rushed considering the pacing of Nico’s character arc and his traumas, so I was hopeful TSatS would help bridge the gap for me. NOPE. It all feel like a mid-tier fan fiction—their whole connection seems to rely on the dark edgelord/golden retriever trope WAY too much. It feel like they’re together because the thought of them being together was nice. I think they should have spent more time developing the friendship and then maybe have them get together closer towards the end of TOA. I adore Riordan, I have tolerated his sudden inclination towards matchup romance throughout HOO, but I CANNOT stand this INJUSTICE when it comes at the cost of my favorite character's development! Not to mention—TSatS suffers from poor pacing, annoying dream/memory sequences which really could have been done so much better, out of character writing, and too much focus on the romance plot at the cost of the action plot. It is an absolute slog to get through, but I will somehow make it through to the other side. Somehow.

Books. Books. I’ve still been reading Dorian Gray. Today I started reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm not too far in, but I have a feeling its going to end up being one of my favorites. Did you know I’ve been reading Gone Girl for almost two years now? Probably about time I throw in the towel on this run and just start over. I love the book, but my issue is that it keeps making me so upset that every chapter or two, I have to put it down and let myself cool down, which can take a hot minute. Pair that with forgetfulness and laziness and you have…oopsie. Truthfully, I’ve been reading a LOT of fan fiction too. Yes, I know, I know—CRINGE! I may be cringe, but I am free. As I fell out of my old hobbies, I forgot how fun it is to participate in fandom culture! Discussions, research, art, analysis, fan fiction, cosplay, fan music—oh how I’ve missed you! I love seeing how people apply their love for a piece of media!

As for shows I’m watching or have completed, it’s basically the anime equivalents for the manga listed. I found a place to watch My Little Pony with Russian dubbing, so I’ve also been into that. Oh—I’ve been watching Kiss Him Not Me. It is so insanely absurd, I can’t stop staring with a dumbfounded look on my face. I love this insanity.

I went to a Maine Writers guild (or whatever it’s called) meeting recently. I was horribly awkward, but my friend came too and now that I know what’s up, I’m going to prepare for the next one. Every time someone asked me a question, I felt as though I were answering it wrong. Like they were thinking— “I didn’t even ask you that, but okay.” It’s actually a pretty funny thought and I know I only feel that way because I’m not used to these kinds of things. All the more reason to keep going.

Writing progress has been slower than ever! I gave out a copy of another story for review—I specifically requested he give it back because it was a fat stack and I didn’t want to spend too much paper on all this. It’s been a month or two. He totally lost it. I’ve been lazy though—I haven’t asked about it. I am at a point where I hate two of my stories and have no idea how to fix them, so I’m letting them sit while I work on another one. Time is usually the only thing that makes the pieces come together for me. The new story has been fun and I’ve enjoyed the research. My writing right now just feels very stiff since I haven’t transferred thought to word in a hot minute—I’m hoping writing this blog will help! I also have a new idea for how to go about research, so we’ll see if I actually follow through :P

Oh, and despite me saying progress is slower than ever, it is not entirely absent. People may disagree, but I count almost everything I have written about in this blog as a part of the writing process. Consumption and reflection are essential to my procecss—I can already feel my head filling up with ideas and inclinations. It helps me realize what I do and don't want to say. :)

Other than all of that stuff…I’ve started to hang out with people again. There’s two people I’m hoping to build long term friendship with, but who knows how it’ll turn out. They’re just people I would like to keep around. College starts in a month and a half—I’m excited to give it my all and finish what I started. It looks like it’ll be two terms, hopefully. I got a PR internship locked in for afterwards. I really want this to go well.

I wish progress on my book was going better (I know I have no one to blame but myself), but overall I’m still very excited for the future! I can’t wait to see how things turn out.

Also, I can't decide if I like the pseudonym H. Salt anymore. I like it overall, but I don't think it rolls off the tongue well and that bothers me.

H. Salt