Well well well...

WELL.

I’ve been doing a lot better! I feel kind of lame, but I’ve been forcing myself to actively practice stress management tactics and… who would have thought that's (mostly) all I needed? I could dive into this more. I could. I won't.

I’ve been reading The Boyhood of Cain—I’ll give my thoughts when I finish. Next will be Drawing Blood. I'm nearing the end of my first term. One to go! My options are graduation or suicide!

Have you listened to Mezzanine by Massive Attack? What are you doing? GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Other album recommendations: U by Underscores, Evangelic Girl is a Gun by Yeule (probably my favorite artist right now), and Post by Bjork. I also recommend WHAT IS IT LIKE, TO BE LIKED? By Slayyyter. The second half is very good. I've been really into upbeat and electronic music recently, which is a stark contrast to last year. Not just lighthearted electronic; Machine Girl has been another one of my favorites. I find Underscores to be very refreshing because Gen Z artists have been putting out shorter and shorter songs, but she seems to enjoy taking her time to get her point across. I watched some of her livestream unpacking the production of U and was very impressed. 

I came up with a new story concept. It's loose right now, but it's very me and I think I’ll be able to write it easily. I don’t even think it’ll take much research. I started writing This Bites part 2 in a journal so I can cut back on how long I spend staring at screens. Part 1 is going good though! I just rewrote my favorite chapter and have been carrying a big, stupid grin with me everywhere I go. It’s all downhill from here! My first beta reader is making their way through Act I, and I have been receiving very constructive feedback. 

I joined a local newspaper; it's all volunteers working on it. I just did some layout stuff for the May edition, but I’m doing the art for the June edition, and I received good feedback on a column idea I pitched. I’ve outlined everything in preparation, so now it's just a matter of my having enough time to get around to it. 

I’ve been doing a lot of art recently, and I’ve been so fucking happy. Sometimes, it really does feel like my only saving grace. I had to put my current piece on the back burner to focus on my art for the newspaper, but it's nearly done. I have a handful of other ideas, all of varying mediums. 

I’m thinking about pulling Hemlock Fields from sale and rereleasing it. I rushed the publication a bit and put out some poems that I think are lackluster. Also…the essays at the end. Yikes. I am not a natural essayist, but I really really wanted to be, because it made me feel like a writing big girl. No. No, no, no. They read as pretentious and superfluous at best. Also, it’ll give me the chance to redo some of the art.

I’m surprised I’ve lost my poetry voice, but I’m not disappointed. It exists in the middle ground between fiction and physical art, so as I've leaned into them more and developed my sense of style, I suppose it makes sense. 

I feel like I’m ready for a new chapter in my life, but… what? I don’t foresee upcoming changes, although I welcome them (so long as I can adapt!). I can sense something good is coming, so I guess I'll just have to keep my eyes peeled. I think it's time for some excitement!

H. Salt