I Can’t Come up With a Title

WHAT’S UP. 

Like I (probably) said in my last post: busiest month of the year. I felt it, my God. Let's get started: 

ART ART ART SO MUCH ART!!!!! I decided I’m going to start selling prints. I’ve finished two of the pieces, a few more are in progress. I just need to figure out the best way to scan and print them. I also spoke to a nearby art gallery about showing some of my things, although it's much further out. I went to Monhegan island for the first time and met many of the artists who reside there—most were very pleasant conversationalists. I’m thinking about getting a job there next summer, but who knows where my life will be. I’ll wait until the spring to look into it more. I also made stickers for the first time this month…it sucked. It sucked, but I did it!!! Because I don’t have a Cricut, I had to cut all of them out by hand, not to mention printer issues…but the best way to learn is by messing up. 

I’ve been super into zines. I may join another one, I may leave the current one I’m helping with. It just isn’t what I was expecting (in a bad way). I’m also brainstorming ideas for my own zine. Interesting idea: switch Hemlock Fields to a zine. HMMMMM? Maybe? Perhaps? Mayhaps? I think it would be a better mode for some of the pieces, although part of me is hesitant to let go of it existing as a chapbook. It would be harder to mass produce, but…would I actually be mass producing it? Likely not. 

I had to go to the hospital last week. After working out, I couldn’t breathe and I fainted. Symptoms pointed to a heart issue or a pulmonary embolism and I was terrified, but thankfully (after a billion tests) I was diagnosed with costochondritis. It sucks and I want my life to go back to normal, but I’m thankful I’m not dying. I had a low moment in the hospital where I was crying and thinking about how much it would hurt to die without sharing my stories. It really clarified how important this pathway is to me.

I finished TB_1.1, I’m about 40% done with TB_1.2. TB_1.3 is the version I’ll give out to people for beta reading, so…close! The finished product is in sight! I decided on the ending of the sequel today and many details have been added and removed. I’m excited to fully immerse myself in the second part (tentatively titled Everything Sucks, because vampire pun, haha). I also started writing a screenplay for This Bites. Exciting, but I’d probably have to be the director because I’m a control freak. This story is my pride and joy. I suppose I could start studying directing. Teehee. 

I decided two of my story concepts would probably make better screenplays. I have to toy around with it more, but the idea piques my interest. Screenplay is such a fun way to explore narratives, and you get to use color and sound and angles. Yum. I have so many writing projects, haha. A two part story, screenplays, more novels, my short story collection, Hemlock Fields purgatory…I wish writing could be my full time job. 

Speaking of screenplays: I watched many new movies this month. Many for me, at least. I’m working on reviews that I’ll hopefully be posting soon.

Music: Maaaaaaaaaaasssssssssiiiiiiive Attack. Love you guys so much. (<3) (<3) (<3) Bjork, Portishead, Sneaker Pimps, FKA Twigs, Tool, Linkin Parky-warky. Shall I continue? Need I elaborate? Actually, I SHALL!!!!! I’ve had I’LL BE GONE by Linkin Park stuck in my head all day. I cannot emphasize enough how much I love Linkin Park. Hybrid Theory and Meteora were some of the most groundbreaking albums to ever be released. There’s no word for the emotions they evoke within me. When I was a kid, I didn’t really have a lot of access to music and I didn’t have my own relationship to it. The closest I got was the car radio and the CDs my brother brought when he came over. Somehow, a Minutes to Midnight CD fell into my possession— likely one of his—and I listened to it endlessly. Linkin Park was the only band I ever wanted to see live and the summer it was going to happen, Chester passed away :( I hope he found the peace he was looking for. Linkin Park and the musicians influenced by them have played such a massive role in my life, I’m very thankful I got to listen to them. 

MEDIA TIME MEDIA TIME!! We need to talk about Poppy Z. Brite. My post-Exquisite Corpse limerence has faded. It was pretty eh. The characters were shallow. I knew Brite took influence from real serial killers, but I didn’t realize how heavily he referenced Dahmer’s murders. Retrospectively, I think its pretty fucked to basically write a very sexual (kind of) aged-up REAL LIFE serial killer fan-fiction. I think there were thousands of less exploitative ways to go about it. Like…I do think fiction is fiction and you should be able to write about what you want—be batshit insane!—but there needs to be a lot of nuance when it comes to real events and victims. A few tweaks could’ve removed its connection to Dahmer, save the loose inspiration. Plus, Brite explores the idea of a suicidal victim—intentionally putting oneself in harms way, uncaring of what happens. Sure. Okay. Genuinely: I find this to be a titillating idea. But to have this connection to real life victims…okay. You did it. You won the edgy competition. This needed to be more removed. Blegh. I really enjoy his prose, but it didn’t shine in Exquisite Corpse. I saw it in Drawing Blood, though. I still plan on finishing his other books. 

I haven’t touched God of the Woods, but I’ve been steadily chugging along with Crash. Ah. Crash. Porn is less sexual than Crash. Yet it doesn’t feel the same. James Ballard makes it feel…cold? Clinical? He did a great job at cultivating the tone. It portrays sex as something very basic and non-taboo, even the weird sex! It's fascinating how morality isn’t even a question—all the characters are too far gone. I know I bitched about Crash a lot in my last blog, and I must say…the story actually turned around in the very next chapter. It had me hooked. I love how gross it is. Even though it comes across as redundant at times, I’ve come to appreciate the way Ballard zeroes in on fine details. The points he’s trying to make are coming into focus, and I can’t help but laugh. Read about all the horrible things crazy, bored, rich people get up to and how they eventually kill themselves? Uh…okay! Seriously, though, it makes some great points about exploitation and hedonism. It reminds me a lot of Chronenberg Jr’s Infinity Pool. My only residual question: why does the protagonist of the story, James Ballard, a man complicit in many horrible things (who also watches his wife get fucked by his best friend, very sus) share the same name as the author? Lol.

I want to highlight a little line that stuck out to me: “Ten yards from us was the crushed limousine, the body of the young chauffeur still lying on the ground beside it. A policeman stared at the blood netting like a widow’s veil around his face and hair”. Mmmm yummy. Good diction, Ballard. Simple, but nice. 

Other random updates…

-I finished my semester! One more to go! The end is in sight! I’M SO HAPPY!!!

-I’m no longer appropriating skater culture. I got a board, I’m learning, I’m eating pavement.

-Should I learn how to tattoo? I might do it…I might do it…I…might…do………itttttttttttttttttt..........tooo many hobbiessss...

-Fun fact: I like to have my character’s hair. I’m done with my Noah hair, I’m doing Oliver or Annie next. You’ll meet them. Maybe I'll post pictures some time. I'm shy.

teehee.

H. Salt