September

I have now had my first real writer experience:

I missed my deadlines!!!

Okay, technically I have until midnight tonight. Unfortunately, I will not be able to rewrite approx 12 pages by then without using copius amounts of drugs. Looking back on my calender of deadlines for Descent (which I wrote at the end of August), I now realize how batshit insane it is. And yet-I need to try. I was hoping to be fully done with Descent by March to ensure publication by summer. I'm less sure this is realistic, but I'm going to keep trying for it. After all, I think I can meet my current deadlines within the week. One of the biggest hurdles-I hate one of my endings and have had no idea what to do instead! I have a snapshot of what the end image will look like, but no sense of what will actually happen. I'm going to try again today or tomorrow.

I suppose I should be a bit easy on myself missing these deadlines since I took two trips this month and I have been having electronic problems.

1. My laptop died (I managed to fix it, but it's on its last legs and I need a new one before it happens permanantly)

2. I sat my FAT ASS down on my tablet and SNAPPED it in HALF. Now, it only picks up half my key strokes and its extremely frustrating to write with.

I can't afford to replace both, obviously.

I should be a little bit hard on myself though; I've been distracted. While I was fixing up my laptop, I was combing through files and read some of my old fan fictions. Man, that was a crazy rabbit hole. I seriously think I blacked out for three whole days, foaming at the mouth and binge reading all related fics I could track down (good for inspo, not for productivity!). I then began to rewrite my fan fictions-also bad when you are trying to follow a schedule for your book!

I then also proceeded to reread all 8 versions of one of my books (one day I'll give more context to this), fell into editing them, got obsessed, then got pissed because none of the versions were fully finished and the only way for me to get the actual full story is for me to finish the god damn thing. Don't get me wrong, it was all a great time, I love a good 'ole hyperfixation bender, I haven't had one in over a year and I really needed it! But...what terrible timing!

I really really want to go down the Percy Jackson rabbit hole next-I just bought the new book today, but I have many books I am currently reading which I need to get through. I am now going to tell you which ones I am reading, I do not care whether you care.

1. Catcher in the rye

2. Picture of Dorian Gray

3. Gone Girl

4. Lapvona

5. Paranoia: a journey into extreme mistrust and anxiety

Not to mention I have been given 4 books from my friends under the promise of reading and discussion. Fuck me, I love reading, but I'm getting stressed. I was also wanting to read Frankenstein to discuss it with two of my coworkers. FUCK ME.

My book's schedule is more important than ever for an extra reason: I decided I need to go back to college. A few people have told me they think I can be a successful writer and make a career of it which has been immensely motivational to me and has caused me to start to believe it may actually be possible, but it is unsafe to put all my eggs in one basket. I will be going back in January.

Now, excuses squared away, I'm sure you're wondering what my September deadlines may be. They are (1) A Door Appeared in the Back of My Sister's Closet (blah blah BLAH you know all about it), (2) Glass Houses, (3) Where No Waters Flow. Wow, what cool and mysterious titles. Hopefully by the end of October, I will be done with RomanticSilverfish213, Stick, and How I Spent My COVID-19 Lockdown.

I have decided what I will write after Descent, but I can't decide if it should be one book or three. Two feels dirty. I don't have a plot for 3 and would have to do so much planning, but I don't think one book will be enough for my characters.

Honestly, I have given such an excessive amount of information in this post. Can you tell I'm procrastinating writing? I am overall excited as per usual, but work time will always feel less fun than chatting, blogging, and planning. I WISH I HAD MORE TIME!!!

H. Salt